Sleeping Magelet: The Tortallan Sleeping Beauty
by Princess Kalasin
Summary: The promised sequel to Cinderalanna. It's the funny Tortallan version of Sleeping Beauty! Includes a crossdressing Ozorne, a conceited Alanna, and Singing Peasants! Please R&R! Finished-sequel coming soon!
1. A Baby Is Born

**DISCLAIMER: I own none of these characters, with the exception of the Singing Peasants and the Narrator. The plot is a folk tale and therefore not owned.**  
  
_A/N: Here it is! The not-really-that-long-awaited sequel to Cinderalanna! If you read it, thanks for supporting me and reading this, too. If you didn't read it, read it once you finish this. Or read it now, then read this. It doesn't matter, just as long as you read both of them. Oh, and I know Sarra didn't become a goddess until Daine was older, but let's just say I'm using creative license._  
  
Chapter 1: The Baby Auroradaine  
  
Narrator: Once upon a time, in a land that's actually not too far away, there was a minor goddess by the name of Sarra. She learned she was with child, and went to tell her husband Weiryn.  
  
Sarra: Weiryn?  
  
Weiryn: [reading the newspaper, not really paying attention] Yes dear?  
  
Sarra: I've got news!  
  
Weiryn: OK, dear.  
  
Sarra: We're going to have a baby!  
  
Weiryn: Uh-huh.  
  
Sarra: I hope it's a girl!  
  
Weiryn: Whatever you say.  
  
Sarra: Are you paying attention?  
  
Weiryn: Uh-huh.  
  
Sarra: Oh really?  
  
Weiryn: OK, dear.  
  
Sarra: Well, then, since you're paying so much attention, it's not really your baby. It's Tkaa the basilisk's.  
  
Weiryn: Naturally.  
  
Sarra: I THOUGHT so. And while I'm at it, I'll tell you that the house is on fire, too.  
  
Weiryn: Uh-huh.  
  
Sarra: WEIRYN!  
  
Weiryn: [looks up from his paper] What?  
  
Sarra: Tell me what I just said.  
  
Weiryn: Ummm...you on the nice weather?  
  
Sarra: WE'RE HAVING A BABY!  
  
Weiryn: We're WHAT?  
  
Narrator: The 9 months went by quickly, and several mortals appeared for the baby's naming.  
  
Singing Peasants: Hail to the god! Hail to the goddess! Hail to the baby who's not named yet!  
  
Sarra: Her name shall be...Auroradaine. Auroradaine Sarrasri.  
  
Weiryn: SARRASRI?  
  
Sarra: How would you like to have a name like Weirynsra?  
  
Weiryn: Point taken.  
  
Singing Peasants: Hail to the god! Hail to the goddess! Hail to the baby Auroradaine!  
  
Sarra: We'll call her Aurora for short.  
  
Singing Peasants: Hail to the god! Hail to the goddess! Hail to the baby Aurora!  
  
Sarra: Would you shut up?  
  
Weiryn: Oh, look, it's King Stephen and his son, Arram.  
  
King Stephen: I've been trying to betrothe Arram for some time now. We have come to ask the hand of your daughter, Auroradaine.  
  
Sarra: I'm not going to betrothe my daughter!  
  
King Stephen: Well...erm...Weiryn agreed already...  
  
Sarra: WEIRYN...  
  
Weiryn: Well...I thought you'd approve...  
  
Sarra: ARE YOU KIDDING ME???  
  
Weiryn: [trying to change the subject] Look, it's The Three Really Nice Gifted People! Alanna, Onua, and Thayet!  
  
Sarra: Also known as TTRNGP!  
  
Alanna: Hello, your...[turns to Thayet] How do you address a god anyway?  
  
Thayet: Your godliness?  
  
Alanna: That's good enough. Hello, your godlinesses!  
  
Onua: We are here with presents for your newborn daughter!  
  
Thayet: I'm Queen, so I get to go first! [sparkly fire gathers on her hands] I give to you...the gift of being able to find your true love! [she touches the baby's head]  
  
Onua: NOW ME! I give you the gift of...Wild Magic! [touches the baby's head]  
  
Alanna: Oh, goody, I get to go last! I give you the gift of...being able to be a warrior like me! [before she can touch the baby's head, the air fills with the sound of cackling]  
  
Ozorne: [appears in a flash, wearing a dress and wig] WHY WAS I NOT INVITED?  
  
Sarra: Because you're a disgusting jerk?  
  
Ozorne: I AM NO JERK! I AM THE GREAT OZORNELLA! FEAR ME!  
  
Sarra: A jerk with an identity crisis...  
  
Ozornella: Since you refuse to FEAR ME...I too have a gift for little Aurora.  
  
Sarra: Oh, goody! We registered at Target and Sears...  
  
Ozornella: [ignoring her] I give you this gift, Auroradaine. By the time the sun sets on your 16th birthday you shall prick your finger on the tip of a toothpick...AND DIE! [vanishes]  
  
Sarra: Um...that was bad.  
  
Alanna: Don't get upset, Sarra! I still have a gift to give!  
  
Sarra: You already gave her that stupid gift of being just like you!  
  
Alanna: Well EXCUSE ME...but I didn't touch her head, "Ozornella the Great" interrupted me. So, I can still give a gift.  
  
Weiryn: [gasps] YOU CAN UNDO THE SPELL?  
  
Alanna: Ummm...no.  
  
Sarra: [starts to sob]  
  
Alanna: [quickly] But I CAN help...  
  
Sarra: How?  
  
Alanna: By still making her just like me!  
  
Sarra: How would THAT help?  
  
Alanna: It wouldn't. But at least she'd be cool while she was still alive!  
  
Thayet: Ummm...Alanna dear, I think they meant...something like...she'd not die, just sleep?  
  
Alanna: Wouldn't they rather have her be like me?  
  
Onua: You are impossible, Alanna. Just do what Thayet said, about her sleeping.  
  
Alanna: OK, whatever. [sparkling violet fire appears in her hands] When your finger toothpick pricks, the result shall not be in death, but just in sleep, this prophecy may you keep. And from this slumber you shall wake, when true love's kiss the spell shall break! [she touches the baby's head]  
  
Thayet: I didn't know you could rhyme!  
  
Alanna: It's one of my many amazing gifts. [bats eyelashes]  
  
Onua: You're acting particularly conceited today.  
  
Alanna: Why thank you!  
  
Onua: It wasn't a compliment!  
  
Thayet: Stop it! Have you forgotten the baby?  
  
Alanna: Um, yeah.  
  
Thayet: Onua's right. You're hopeless. [she turns to Sarra and Weiryn] Your godlinesses, the baby is still not safe here.  
  
Sarra: Why not?  
  
Thayet: Well, I did promise that she'd find her true love, but she might be awfully old when she does...so she might be sleeping for a while. You should try to prevent it.  
  
Weiryn: BURN ALL THE TOOTHPICKS IN THE WORLD!  
  
Singing Peasants: [to the tune of "London Bridge"] Watch the toothpicks burning down, burning down, burning down! Watch the toothpicks burning down, my fair goddess!  
  
Sarra: You're not gone yet? Anyway, I'm not sure if that will work. Ozornella is sure to have some hidden toothpicks.  
  
Thayet: You're right. That's why we're taking the baby down to Tortall and raising her.  
  
Alanna: EXCUSE ME?  
  
Onua: We're WHAT?  
  
Thayet: Now, girls, it'll be a nice way to show our loyalty to the gods.  
  
Alanna: Loyalty or no loyalty, I'm not changing diapers!  
  
Sarra: Oh, please, it might save my baby's life!  
  
Onua: And if we don't?  
  
Sarra: I can always appeal to Mithros to have all of Tortall burned to the ground!  
  
All of TTNGP: We'll do it!

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_A/N: My first chapter of Sleeping Magelet! It has more of a plotline to it than Cinderalanna, but I think it's still funny. At least, I hope it is._

_I know some people are very out of character, but it's supposed to be like that. Would it be funny if they all acted like themselves?_

_Review please!_


	2. Daine Grows Up and Picks Berries

**DISCLAIMER: Do people actually read these? Even if they do, why do they? They're always the same, I own nothing. Characters belong to Tamora Pierce. Blah blah blah...**

_A/N: I'm soooooooo sorry about this chapter's lateness. I'm having serious writer's block issues._

Chapter 2: Daine Grows Up and Picks Berries

Narrator: And so, TTRNGP took little Auroradaine to Tortall and raised her as their own. To hide the baby's identity, they called her simply "Daine". Those three lovely ladies hardly ever argued, and when they did they solved it peacefully.

Alanna: So, who's changing Daine's diaper today?

Onua and Thayet: NOT ME!

Alanna: Thayet, I think it's your turn.

Thayet: No way! It's Onua's turn!

Onua: AS IF! Alanna's just trying to get out of it! [an argument ensues, sometime during which Alanna turns Onua into a cat, forcing Thayet to lock them both in their rooms until they could calm down]

Narrator: When Daine was about 4 years old, she began to ask why she had three aunties to raise her when everyone else had a mommy and daddy.

Daine: Auntie Alanna? Why do I have you and Auntie Thayet and Auntie Onua and not a Ma and Da?

Alanna: Well, dear...the stormwing brought you in his beak to us!

Daine: Why?

Alanna: Because that's what stormwings do! They put babies in sacks and carry them to people who want babies! I don't know why the stormwing brought you to us, he just did.

Thayet: Alanna? Don't you mean the stork?

Alanna: Whatever.

Narrator: As years passed, Onua taught Daine how to shape-shift, and talk to animals mind-to-mind. One day when Daine was 15, TTRNGP sent her to pick berries in the forest.

Daine: [walks into the forest] Gee, it's rather scary in here...

Neal: [pops out of nowhere] NEVER FEAR! NEAL IS HERE!

Daine: Who are YOU?

Neal: Can't you hear? I'm NEAL! And I have the world's biggest crush on you.

Daine: Ew. Are you even born yet?

Neal: C'mon, I'm not THAT much younger than you! Why, in this story, the Almighty Author made us the same age.

Daine: I don't like this Almighty Author person...

Neal: Can I ask your Da for your hand?

Daine: Sure. But you'd have to chop it off me first.

Neal: REALLY?

Daine: [sticks hand behind back quickly before Neal can chop one off] I was joking.

Neal: Oh. But can I ask your Da if I can marry you?

Daine: I don't HAVE a Da. Well, unless you count that stormwing from that stupid story Aunt Alanna tells me...

Neal: Stormwing? Do you mean the stork?

Daine: That's what Aunt Thayet says, too.

Neal: THAYET? [starts drooling]

Daine: You sicko. [walks farther into the forest]

Neal: [follows]

Daine: [walks into someone] Who are you?

Arram: Er...my name is...um...Numair. Numair...Salmalin. And you are?

Daine: My name is Daine...um...Stormwing.

Numair: Stormwing? OK...and is that your boyfriend?

Neal: YES! [jumps up and kisses Daine]

Random People: Awww! Kodak moment!

Numair: Why are Random People in the woods? GO AWAY!

Random People: First Garetha, now HIM. [they leave]

Daine: [shoves Neal off] EW! Get away from me!

Numair: So, I'm taking it that it's a one-sided relationship?

Daine: Exactly. [suddenly she gets a dreamy look in her eyes] Do I know you?

Numair: [has the same dreamy look] Why...I believe you do...once upon a dream.

Neal: Huh?

Daine: [turns harshly to Neal] NEAL SHUT UP! [turns back to Numair, dreamy eyed once more] That's so poetic.

Numair: I'm glad you think so. [suddenly they start dancing around the clearing to music that came out of nowhere]

Neal: Ugh. This is so mushy I think I'll drown. Hello? DO EITHER OF YOU REMEMBER I'M HERE? It's me, NEAL!

Daine and Numair: [still gazing into each others eyes and dancing]

Neal: Ick. And I thought I was a romantic. [the music suddenly stops]

Daine: Oh, Numy darling, I must see you again! Tell me when!

Numair: Tomorrow at noon, my dear. Goodbye! [they kiss]

Neal: I'll have to complain to the Almighty Author about this. It's just sickening! [Daine and Numair break their kiss and run off in opposite directions] Well. I guess no one remembers poor old Neal. [sniffs] I'M SO UNLOVED! [suddenly sits up straight] Didn't Daine say her Aunt was Thayet? [runs after Daine] HEY! Wait up!

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_A/N: I know that was a little short. Sorry. To Zella: No, Stephen wasn't in the books, he was in Sleeping Beauty. I used him since I only needed him for 2 lines._

_To anyone who wonders why Arram told Daine his name was Numair: Arram was thinking that all he needed was one more person bowing and calling him "Your Royal Highness". The Almighty Author was thinking it was a Sleeping Beauty plot essential that Daine didn't know that he was really the prince._

_Any of you who have read Cinderalanna will recognize the Kodak Moment joke. If you don't get it, then either read Cinderalanna or just let it go._

_OK, the next chapter will be up in one week, on August 15. This is because I'll be on vacation in Indiana from the 10th to the 14th. I'll have time to check reviews on my laptop, but not enough time to write another chapter. Sorry! Thank you to all my reviewers, I love you! See you next week!_


	3. Birthday Preparations and Berry Picking

**DISCLAIMER: I own 72 dollars and 37 cents. If you think I'm Tamora Pierce, here's a little newsflash-SHE GETS PAID! Not to mention she writes a lot better than I do.**

Chapter 3: Birthday Preparations and Berry Picking

Daine: [runs home with Neal still following]

Neal: DAINE! WAIT UP! [follows her into the cottage]

Thayet: Is he your boyfriend?

Neal: Not if you don't want me to be her boyfriend, babe.

Thayet: Well, I'd rather be married to you than Jon.

Neal: Can I ask your father for permission to marry you?

Thayet: My father was a psychopath who forced my mother to commit suicide. If you want to talk to him, be my guest.

Neal: On second thought, maybe I'll marry Daine after all...

Daine: NOOOOOO! Aunt Alanna, stand up for me here! You didn't want to get married, either!

Alanna: But I got married anyway.

Daine: NOOOOOO! Onua?

Onua: That's AUNT Onua to you, missy.

Thayet: But she's betrothed!

All: [gasp]

Daine: I'm WHAT?

Thayet: No! I said...er...[whispers to Alanna] What rhymes with betrothed?

Alanna: Um...Erode?

Thayet: Uh...close enough. [to Daine] I said you were erode.

Daine: Um...[yanks out a Webster's dictionary and reads aloud] "erode: to diminish or destroy by degrees,to gradually eat into or wear away." So...that makes no sense whatsoever. Are you saying I'm supposed to eat Neal gradually?

Neal: Eeek! [jumps away from Daine]

Thayet: Um...

Daine: OK! [starts to run after Neal]

Neal: Think of the horrible taste I'd leave in your mouth!

Daine: Ew. You're right.

Thayet: So, did you get the berries?

Daine: Um...oops.

Thayet: So what took you so long? [looks suspiciously at Neal] You weren't...together, were you?

Daine: [runs around shrieking "EW! EW!"]

Neal: [sighs] I wish.

Daine: We were together, but Numair was there, too. [gets the dreamy look in her eyes]

Neal: Oh, no. Here we go again.

Onua: Numair?

Alanna: Who?

Daine: He's wonderful! He's tall, and handsome...

Alanna: Oh, great. Just what we need.

Thayet: Um...girls? We shouldn't forget she's...er...ERODE?

Daine: Huh?

Alanna: You'd better...um...pick those berries, Daine. We need them. For the...pie. I'm baking you a pie. It's your birthday tomorrow, remember? Your 16th?

Daine: You're baking me a pie? You're so nice!

Random People: Awww! Kodak moment!

Daine: That joke is old. Very old.

TTRNGP: GET OUT OF OUR COTTAGE!

Random people: We're just plain unloved. Do you realize we're not getting paid?

Daine: The Almighty Author doesn't get paid, either. And she does a lot more work than you guys.

Random People: Point taken. [they leave]

Alanna: I'll have to file a complaint with the Almighty Author about them...

Daine: Anyway, I'll go get the berries.

Neal: I'll come, too. You guys have any nice haystacks around here?

Daine: [runs into the forest screaming, with Neal following]

Alanna: So, we need to address the situation at hand.

Thayet: Yes. How do we tell Daine she's betrothed?

Alanna: Actually, I meant what are we getting her for her birthday. But that works, too.

Thayet: [sighs] What are we going to do?

Singing Peasants: The Funky Chicken?

Thayet: Argh! I thought we got rid of you in chapter one!

Singing Peasants: We really need to get a union job...

Thayet: [sighs] We need to think.

Singing Peasants: [to the tune of that song from Blues Clues] So just sit down in your thinking chair and think, think, thi-i-ink...

Thayet: AHHHH! Go away!

Singing Peasants: OK, that's it! We are COMPLAINING! We either get paid or we'll join up with the Random People and become picketers! [they run off to yell at the poor Almighty Author]

Onua: So, really, what are we going to do?

Alanna: Ummm...bake a pie?

Thayet: THAT'S IT!

Alanna: See? I'm a genius!

Thayet: No! I mean we'll bake the pie, and make a dress for her and when she's in a good mood, we'll tell her.

Alanna: One problem.

Thayet: What?

Onua: We can't cook! Or make dresses!

Thayet: Nonsense! We'll use our Gifts!

Alanna: Um...Okay.

Narrator: While TTRNGP are working away at making the perfect birthday celebration for Daine, she was picking berries in the forest...

Daine: Neal! Go away!

Neal: No! I won't go away until you say you'll marry me!

Numair: Actually, I was about to say the same thing.

Daine: Numair! [gets that dreamy look in her eyes] What are you doing here?

Neal: Not him AGAIN!

Numair: I have awaited here all day long, my dearest Daine Stormwing, hoping you would return sooner than designated.

Neal: Gag me.

Daine: Gladly. [shoves a mouthful of berries in Neal's mouth] You were saying?

Numair: My darling, I must confess...

Daine: [gasp] You're married?

Numair: Not exactly...

Daine: You have sinus problems? I do too, it's really not that big of a deal...

Numair: NO! I just...

Daine: You're a cross dresser? [looks suspiciously at his tunic]

Numair: Of course not, I'm just...

Daine: You're a ghost?

Numair: I'M BETROTHED!

Daine: You don't have to shout! [gasps] You're BETROTHED? To who?

Numair: Some goddess girl. She disappeared at birth, though. I doubt she'll ever be found again. Marry me, my magelet?

Daine: Duh I will! But...if you're betrothed to a GODDESS, you must be...

Numair: A prince or a god? I'm only a prince. And she's only a minor goddess. Or was.

Daine: Oh, Numair, that's wonderful! I'll get to live in a PALACE and all, and...oh I love you Numair! [they kiss]

Neal: [finally manages to eat all the berries] Ick. Why can't they do this in private?

Daine: 'Cause some people won't leave!

Narrator: Back in the cottage...

Alanna: Let's see...to bake a pie crust...[sighs] When is somebody going to get around to creating a Super Wal-Mart that sells pre-made pies?

Onua: As soon as someone creates a JC Penney so I can buy a dress!

Thayet: Did you know the JC stands for James Cash?

Onua: WHO CARES? I just want to finish this stupid dress!

Thayet: [sniffs] I just thought it was INTERESTING...

Alanna: Would you two shut UP? I've got to bake this cake!

Onua: And what if I don't?

Alanna: I'll turn you into a cat again!

Faithful: I consider that an insult...

Narrator: Once the preparations were done, Daine arrived home. The next morning, she opened her gifts...

Daine: Oh, look, it's a gross bloody-red-purple dress!

Alanna: I wanted it purple, after my beautiful eyes...

Onua: I wanted orange, after your magic.

Thayet: I wanted red, 'cause I like red.

Alanna: So we blended them!

Daine: How...lovely. Can I eat my pie now?

Alanna: [brings out the pie] I decided not to use the berries. I made an asparagus cinnamon pie instead!

Daine: Oh...yum, Aunt Alanna. Let's eat it later, shall we? I have an announcement!

Alanna: What is that, Daine?

Daine: I'm getting married!

Thayet: To...whom?

Daine: Numair Salmalin!

Onua : Um...dear...we have to tell you something...

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_A/N: Thank you all for the amazing reviews. I got sooooo many! I'm surprised only one person mentioned the Neal thing. I expected more people to wonder why I used him. Well, I needed another source of humor. Most of the stuff in Chap. 2 and some of the stuff in Chap. 3 wasn't funny without him._

_I'm not sure if this will be a 4-chap or 5-chap fic. If the next one is as long as this is, it'll be a 4-chap. We'll see. Anyway, I'm sort of eager to start on my next fic, because chapter 1's all written out in my head already. So expect this story to end soon!_


	4. Utter Randomness

**DISCLAIMER: I hate these things. [sigh] I don't own the plot, because it's a folk tale (or maybe it belongs to the Brothers Grimm. Whatever) and the characters belong to the Amazing and Almighty Tamora Pierce, except for the Narrator, and the RSPP, which I own. Oh, and Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner, who belong to Looney Toons. Or the Baudelaire orphans, those belong to Lemony Snicket. Sheesh, this chapter has a lot of guest stars.**

_A/N: This chapter includes some Jon-bashing. I have problems with him, because of his jerky behavior in "In the Hand of the Goddess", "The Woman Who Rides Like a Man" and "First Test". If you don't like it, don't read it. You've been warned._

Chapter 4: Utter Randomness

Alanna: You're...erm...well...

Daine: Just say it!

Onua: You're...

Daine: Well?

TTRNGP: Betrothed.

Daine: [faints]

Neal: [catches her] Hey, why am I still here, anyway? I haven't done anything since yesterday!

Alanna: I have no idea.

Neal: Oh, whatever. [looks at Daine] Maybe I should kiss her so she'll wake up...

Daine: [is instantly awake due to the mere suggestion of kissing Neal] Get off of me!

Neal: Hey! How do you know it's not ME you're betrothed to!

Daine: Oh, goddess, I hope not.

Thayet: I hope not, too. [winks at Neal]

Daine: Um...Aunt Thayet, isn't that a little...disgusting?

Thayet: Um, why?

Daine: Well, for one thing, you're married. For another thing, you're like 40.

Thayet: I'm not THAT old. And I happen to be married to the biggest jerk on Earth.

Alanna: What's EARTH?

Thayet: Um...I'm not sure.

Jon: [pops out of nowhere] I LOVE YOU THAYET!

Thayet: Eeek! [runs away with Jon and a slobbering Neal chasing her]

Daine: That was weird.

Onua: Daine? Can we get back to the subject here?

Alanna: Yeah. Like the fact that you're a goddess.

Daine: [faints again, but this time Neal's off chasing Thayet so she bangs her head on Ibn Nazzir]

Ibn Nazzir: YOU SHALL BE CORRUPTED! MUAHAHAHAHA! [runs around in circles]

Alanna: Eeek! Not you again! Didn't I just see you when I was Cinderalanna?

Ibn Nazzir: The author finds me amusing. I'm not sure why. YOU SHALL ALL BE CORRUPTED!

Random Anvil: [falls on Ibn Nazzir's head because he forgot the Almighty]

Wile E. Coyote: Yes! Finally one of those anvils missed me!

Road Runner: Meep! [runs off, chased by Wile E.]

Alanna: Wile E. Coyote talks?

Thayet: [runs back into the cottage and bolts the door before Neal or Jon can enter]

Onua: [dumps a glass of water on Daine's head, waking her up]

Daine: Did I miss something?

Alanna: Yeah, but don't ask. So anyway, we were just telling you that you're a goddess, and betrothed to a prince named Arram who you've never even met, Neal wants to marry you, you have a cross dressing emporer who wants to kill you, and you have to stay away from toothpicks or die. Did I miss anything?

Daine: I sure hope not. I think I must have the most miserable life in the world.

Baudelaire Orphans: At least a one-eyebrowed madman with a tattoo of an eye on his ankle isn't chasing you.

Daine: Point taken.

Alanna: [wiggles her fingers a bit and everyone not created by the Almighty Author or Tamora Pierce vanishes from the story]

Thayet: THANK YOU! They were getting annoying.

Onua: Anyway, Daine, we're taking you back to your parents. Tonight.

Daine: NOOOOOO! I LOVE NUMAIR!

Alanna: I'm sorry, Daine. It must be this way.

Daine: Who are my parents, anyway?

Onua: Your Da is the hunt god of Galla, Weiryn. Your Ma is also from Galla, Sarra the Green Lady.

Neal: YES! NOW I CAN ASK FOR YOUR HAND!

Daine: Oh, shut up, Neal. Didn't Thayet lock you outside?

Neal: Oh, yeah. [vanishes]

Daine: So how are we going to get to the Divine Realms?

Alanna: You see, the Almighty Author built an Almighty catapult.

Daine: CATAPULT? Like a slingshot?

Onua: Yup. All we've got to do is climb in, have someone pull us back and whoooosh! We're in the Divine Realms.

Daine: That is just freaky.

Thayet: You don't like it, complain to the Author.

Random Singing Picketing People: YES! That's what we did! Now we're the RSPP! [they wave signs proclaiming "AUTHOR UNFAIRNESS!" and "Character Rights!"]

Alanna: Not YOU again!

Narrator: That evening...

Alanna: C'mon, Daine. Time to go.

Daine: [sobs]

Neal: Can I come too?

Thayet: I guess there's no choice.

Narrator: They all pile into the Almighty Catapult, and have the RSPP pull them back...

RSPP: This is unfair! We have RIGHTS, we tell you! Rights! [they start singing] R-E-S-P-E-C-T!

Thayet: NO! NOT THE OLDIES! PLEASE! SPARE US!

RSPP: Oh, whatever. [they launch the catapult]

Narrator: They were soon in the Divine Realms...

Daine: [shape-shifts into an eagle and flies to the top of a tree]

Alanna: DAINE! We don't have time for this!

Narrator: While TTRNGP are trying to get Daine out of the tree, and old enemy awaits in a nearby citadel, much closer than they think...

Ozornella: I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS! How could a stupid little girl outwit me for 16 LONG YEARS?

Ozornella's Stupid Minion: Der...I dunno.

Ozornella: WHY HAVEN'T YOU FOUND HER?

Minion: Der...I dunno.

Ozornella: [sighs] WHY ME?

Minion: Der...I dunno.

Ozornella: WHY WON'T YOU SHUT UP?

Minion: Der...I dunno.

Ozornella: WHY ARE MINIONS ALWAYS STUPID?

Minion: Der...I dunno.

Ozornella: YOU ARE NOT HELPFUL! When am I going to learn, if you want a job done right, do it yourself?

Minion: Der...I-

Ozornella: JUST SHUT UP!

Minion: Okey dokey.

Ozornella: I shall pay a visit to my old friends Sarra and Weiryn. Me, and my pal here. [holds up giant silver toothpick] THE EVIL TOOTHPICK OF DOOM! Also known as TETOD! [swoops out of the citadel, holding the toothpick and cackling]

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_A/N: CLIFFHANGER! MUAHAHAHA!_

_Garetha: DON'T STEAL MY LINES!_

_Thank you to my reviewers, yet again. To Aura Rayne: No, I'm doing Immortals characters only in this fic, with the exception of Neal. I will do a PotS fairy tale sometime in the future-although that probably won't be my next fic. All info on my next fic will be included in my final A/N in this story._

_Also, if you want a logical explanation as to why Daine didn't put two and two together and realize she was betrothed to Numair/Arram...Well, this story just isn't logical, folks. Get used to it._

_Seriously, though, I like to think Daine was in shock, and wasn't really thinking correctly. Of course, in this story none of the characters are thinking correctly, or normally, for that matter. Except for Jon. He never thinks correctly, so he's therefore thinking normally._

_I could blabber on for a while, but I won't. So, I'll see you at the next (and final) chapter of Sleeping Magelet. Bye!_


	5. The End

DISCLAIMER: Tamora Pierce owns the characters, except for the Narrator and the RSPP. I think the plot is unowned, but maybe it's owned by the Brothers Grimm. Eh, who cares. They're dead, anyway.

_A/N: Here it is! The final chapter of Sleeping Magelet! Read my A/N at the end of the story to find out about my next fic, which will be rather different than Cinderalanna and Sleeping Magelet. (Don't worry, after that I'll get right back on track with a PotS fairy tale then a DotL fairy tale.)_

Last but not least, thank you Roherwen for giving me the idea to use Varice as a minion of Ozorne(lla)'s.

Chapter 5: How it All Turns Out

Narrator: Back to the Divine Realms, near Sarra and Weiryn's land, TTRNGP and Neal were trying to convince Daine to come out of the tree...

Alanna: DAINE! Come down here!

Onua: C'mon, Daine!

Daine : Caw !

Thayet : I can order you down as Queen of Tortall !

Daine: Caw!

Neal: You come down here or I'll go up there!

Daine: CAWWWW! [flies down and turns back into a human]

Neal: [stares at Daine]

Daine: [screams, remembering that when she turns human again she's not wearing clothes]

Thayet: Erm...dear...go behind the tree and get dressed.

Daine: [runs behind the tree]

Neal: [still staring]

Onua: [smacks Neal] Snap out of it!

Narrator: Back to Ozornella...

Ozornella: [flying around his citadel] I CAN FLLLLYYYYYY!

RSPP: We believe you can flyyyyy...we believe you can touch the skyyyy...

Ozornella: What the heck?

Varice: [on the ground near the citadel] OZORNE! COME DOWN HERE!

Ozornella: Can't you read the word before the colon? IT SAYS OZORNELLA!

Varice: Whatever. Did you find her yet?

Ozornella: Would you stop asking me that every 5 minutes? I'm on my way to find her now!

Varice: Oh, goody! Can I prick her with the toothpick?

Ozornella: NO! I GET TO DO THAT!

Varice: WHYYYYY?

Ozornella: Because I'M THE BOSS! YOU ARE THE MINION!

Varice: [sniffs] I'm so unappreciated...

RSPP: SO ARE WE! [they wave their signs around]

Varice: Go away you annoying people!

RSPP: You called us ANNOYING? WE WILL NOT TAKE THIS DISCRIMINATION ANY LONGER! [they start bonking Varice on the head with their signs]

Varice: Ow! OW! OWWWWW!

Ozornella: MUAHAHAHA! I never liked you anyway! [he flies away]

Narrator: Meanwhile, TTRNGP take Daine to Weiryn's lands...

Sarra: MY BABY! [she runs to Daine]

Daine: Um...

Sarra: [looks at Neal] Is this your boyfriend?

Neal: Yup! [he kisses Daine]

Daine: [kicks him] Get off of me!

Weiryn: She can't have boyfriends, dear. She's betrothed.

Daine: [bursts into tears]

Sarra: I'm sorry, dear. Neal can visit you sometimes.

Daine: [starts crying harder]

Sarra: Was it something I said?

Alanna: Ummm...Neal's a...soft point with Daine.

Onua: [snorts] I don't think that's exactly what I would've called it, Alanna. More like he drives her so batty she gets mad at the very mentioning of his name.

Sarra: Isn't he her boyfriend?

Daine: [cries even harder]

Sarra: What am I doing wrong?

Weiryn: Erm, dear, drop the Neal thing.

Sarra: Why?

Weiryn: Just do it!

Sarra: You don't have to YELL!

Ozornella: [swoops in through the window]

Daine: [stops crying] Who's he?

Ozornella: SHE!

Daine: Whatever. Who's THAT?

Thayet: [gasps] OZORNE!

Ozornella: OZORNELLA!

Thayet: Whatever.

Ozornella: [turns to Daine] Because your parents did not invite me to your naming ceremony, I'm going to KILL YOU!

Daine: Sheesh, you can sure hold a grudge...

Ozornella: [moves TETOD around in the light, making it sparkle] Everyone knows that this is the most basic of sorcery-make someone look at a shiny thing and they must do whatever you tell them to! MUAHAHAHA! Daine-come here-the rest of you-get back!

Everyone: [obeys]

Ozornella: Now, Daine, give me a kiss before you say goodbye, would you?

Daine: [instantly snaps out of her trance because of the thought of kissing Ozornella] Aren't you female?

Ozornella: Crossdresser. They're two very different things. Now KISS ME!

Daine: [runs around in circles shrieking "EW! EW!"]

Numair: [bursts through the door] I heard my betrothed was here...

Daine: Um, Numair? Why are you here?

Numair: What are YOU doing here?

Daine: I ASKED YOU FIRST!

Numair: So?

Ozornella: EXCUSE ME! I'M STILL HERE!

Neal: So am I, but does anyone EVER pay attention to ME?

Ozornella: No, but you're not the evil crossdresser who's about to kill the heroine!

Alanna: Awww, well, I'm not amazing enough to be a HEROINE...

Ozornella: I mean DAINE you IDIOT!

Numair: Daine's a heroine?

Alanna: She's a goddess, goddesses are always heroines!

Numair: Goddess?

Alanna: Not THE goddess!

Numair: I know THAT!

Thayet: What I'm confused about is the Threefold Goddess. If you go to it says that the Great Mother Goddess and the Threefold Goddess are the same. So what's up with the two names?

Onua: Maybe that's her Carthaki name, because you only hear it in Carthak.

Numair: WHAT'S GOING ON?

Neal: What I'M confused about is why Queen Thayet's name is pronounced Thigh-Yet. Why not Thay-Yet?

Thayet: Well why isn't your name spelled N-E-I-L?

George: What I'M confused about is if I'm one of the author's favorite characters, why do I have ONE LINE in Cinderalanna? And I don't show up until NOW in Sleeping Magelet?

Alanna: She doesn't want to mess up your character, dear. Like she messed up everyone elses. And don't worry, you'll have a big part in Sound of Chickens.

Daine: Alanna, I don't think you were supposed to tell...

Alanna: Oops.

Ozornella: EVERYONE SHUT UP!

Crickets: [chirp]

Ozornella: Neal, you seem to be good at talking, tell Numair what's going on.

Neal: You see, Daine's last name isn't really Stormwing. It's Sarrasri. Her real name is Auroradaine. She's the daughter of Weiryn and Sarra the Green Lady. She was brought to TTRNGP when she was a baby, and she didn't know who she was until today. She's betrothed to some weird prince dude, even though she really wants to marry me. Got it?

Thayet: Did you know a DUDE is an infected hair on an elephant's rear end?

Numair: YOU CALLED ME AN INFECTED HAIR? [tries to stab Neal, but misses and kills Ozornella] Um, oops?

Ozornella: I'm MEEEEEEEEELLLLTING! MEEEEEEEEEELLLLTING! [dissolves into a puddle, with two eyeballs floating in it]

Daine: Ew.

Sarra: So, Arram, did you come to meet Daine?

Numair/Arram: DAINE? I came to meet Aurora...

Sarra: Well, she's used to Daine now.

Daine: I'm...betrothed to...YOU?

Sarra: Oh, I'm sorry it wasn't Neal, dear. If I'd had my druthers, you would have married your true love, but Weiryn thought-oh my!

Daine and Numair/Arram: [kiss]

Neal: Here we go again...

Varice: [swoops in] NOT SO FAST! [she snatches TETOD up from where it was unnoticed next to the eyeballs] I managed to escape from those evil RSPP, and now I'll KILL YOU! [she pricks Daine with the toothpick]

Daine: [faints in deep sleep]

Numair: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-

Neal: OK! OK! We get the picture!

Numair: O!

Varice: Now, Arram, or Numair, or whatever, we have things to do!

Numair: No!

Neal: Will you stop with the no thing?

Numair: Stop this, Varice!

RSPP: Stop! In the name of love!

Varice: [turns to RSPP] You again? Why I'll-

Numair: [hits her over the head, rendering her unconscious] Now...[he kisses Daine]

Daine: [her eyelids flutter open] Numair...

TTRNGP and Sarra: [sigh]

Weiryn and Neal: [gag]

Numair: Marry me?

Daine: Why, I don't think I have a choice! [giggles]

Maura of Dunlath: I want to protest! I'm not in this at all!

George: Join the club.

Maura: Oooh, we can call ourselves the Unfortunately Ignored By The Almighty Author Association! Also known as the UIBTAAA!

Alanna: No more acronyms, please!

Numair: We need to just take care of Varice right now.

Jon: [appears out of nowhere] That's the only good thing about me. I'm KING, so whatever I say goes, and everyone's gonna live happily ever after! OK, first, Daine and Numair?

Daine: Yessir?

Jon: You can marry Numair and live in his palace!

Daine: Yay!

Jon: Sarra and Weiryn?

Sarra: Yes?

Jon: You are allowed into the Mortal Realms as often as you like, as long as it's to see your daughter.

Weiryn: Thank you, your Highness.

Jon: Alanna.

Alanna: Yeah, Jon?

Jon: You and George get to go home and live out your life in peace, until the Almighty Author says otherwise.

George: No problem! [they disappear]

Jon: Onua.

Onua: Uh-huh.

Jon: Go...muck out the stables or something.

Onua: Okey-dokey. [disappears]

Jon: Varice?

Varice: [wakes up] Hmmmm?

Jon: You get to spend the rest of your life in a jail cell tormented by RSPP

Varice: NOOOOO!

RSPP: We hate you, you hate us, we're gonna grind you into dust! [they disappear]

Jon: And, finally, Thayet.

Thayet: Yeah?

Jon: You get to stay with me!

Thayet: Oh...goody.

Neal: Hey, what about me?

Yuki: Hi, Neal.

Neal: Uh, nevermind.

THE END

_A/N: THANK YOU REVIEWERS!_

_My next fic is...[drumroll] THE SOUND OF CHICKENS! It's the Tortallan Sound of Music. I'm doing a non-fairy tale because...well, I felt like something different. It's starring characters from all 3 quartets, with Alanna as Maria. To know more...well, read it. I'll put it up soon, cross my heart._

_Also, after that fic I'm going right back on track with a PotS fairy tale, then a DotL fairy tale. I'm just stalling so I can't get my DotL fairy tale up until I read TQ._

_So, thanks again, and I'll see you soon!_


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